I Like Girls Who Wear Abercrombie & Fitch...

Is your eight year old daughter a late bloomer? Does she come home sad from school because all the other girls in her class have a full rack and she is the only flat chested third grader in her class? Are her grades dropping from lack of self esteem? Is she depressed cause summertime is coming and she can't find the perfect bikini? Well your in luck!! Abercrombie & Fitch has upped their game and started mass producing padded bikini tops for your child at a small fee of $24.50!


A small price to pay for the long lasting encouragement your daughter will have in becoming a pregnant teen. Drop those books elementary school children. Who needs a lawyer, a doctor, a nurse, a CEO, a teacher, a professor, the president, world leaders, when we can have future sluts in training!

Whatever parent buys this for their child should be awarded and not shot. Who wouldn't want their daughter to put out the image of being an older woman, more developed than she really is or needs to be? Who wouldn't want their daughter building sand castles to the sweet sounds of waves and wolf whistles? And while you're at it, why not stop and by your baby some birth control pills and a gift certificate for a Brazilian wax cause that's where she's headed after she realizes all the attention she will be getting.

Are the executives at Abercrombie that desperate for sales that they have slumped to marketing adult women products to elementary school children? The economy can't be that bad.

Thinking of this reminds me of my own little padded bikini top story. I developed really early and I can't remember who bought me this bikini but either way the top was super padded and since I had my own little lemon bumps it made my chest way bigger than it really was and I remember feeling a tad ridiculous but more than that I felt grown up. Maybe any attention was good attention for me at the time. There was a pool at the high school nearby that we could go swim at, which we did every summer. It was the first time I would rock that bikini. I don't remember getting that much attention, I do remember feeling very self-conscious about how I looked. An elementary child worried about what she looked like in a navy blue padded bikini top. Soon I just forgot about trying to look older and just began to enjoy myself. I got out the pool to jump in and as I ran to my destination spot I slipped and I fell right on my face. It was then that it occurred to me that I had been wearing a very grown up swim suit. I was humiliated. No one appeared to notice but the bottom line is I felt even worse that I was trying to look grown up when I was still playing like a child. Grown up women don't run around a pool because they know the dangers a slip and fall can do to their image. Grown up women don't buy heavily padded bikini tops because they know how silly they will look and are usually content with what God has graciously graced them with.

You buy a child a padded bikini top she is going to think she is older and ultimately will try her hardest act older forgetting about being a child until she falls flat on her face.