What I Set Out To Do...

I'm in a pickle. Not the delicious kind either. Assuming you think pickles are delicious. Shit, I know I do. 

I am facing yet another career change.
When I left Race Street I was so unsure of what the future held. I am a long term job type of girl and in the last few years I have had about 3 different jobs. 

My current job I will have been at for a year in April. I feel it in my bones that the gig is up. I just ordered my transcripts from State and just that alone makes me feel like I am headed in the right direction. 

Finally.
In my mid-30's.
I see the light.

It's time to take action. Honestly, I just need to come to fucking terms with my life and the poor decisions I have made. Taking ownership is the hardest thing. 

I have made a myriad of excuses as to why I have continued to slack on myself. Don't believe me? A part of me hella wants to list them. Why? Maybe to shed myself of them, to own them once and for all and be fucking done, just done with them. And then another part of me is like hell no that might bite me in the ass later... accountability is key. But I am barely starting this journey with it... 

Truthfully a lot of it has been my fault. I have let other's shortcomings become mine. I've been complacent when I should have been enraged. 

I need to be an example for my children. They are entering the "old enough to remember phase" and I need to up my game, straight up.

It's hard as fuck being a mom and going back to school and following your dreams and all that shit when you have, for the last 13 years, aggressively set aside your own personal wants for others around you. 

How do I find myself again? How do I find what the fuck it is I really want to do with my life?

I thought my 30's were going to be fun. And in a way, I guess you can say this is fun. A different kind of fun. I have a chance to reinvent myself and be a better ass motherfucking me. When it can still count for something cause let's face it, trying to find yourself and your journey in your 40's, 50's & 60's, although extremely courageous and commendable, can also be laughable and sad. 

So here's to gobbling pickles and showing them who's boss. I'm sliding into home, players.