Distractions & Infractions...

Where did the road turn? When did you lose sight of what you wanted from life? What you wanted to be when you grew up? The things you wanted to see, the people you wanted to meet, the person you wanted to be...

All I know is that in kindergarten my favorite color was pink and I wanted to be a doctor. Not a ballerina, not a princess or a fairy. A doctor. I guess you can say I became a doctor in my own way. I prescribe bullshit to customers. I listen to their complaints, sorrows and woes, I nod my head, sigh and then send them on their merry way with a bill higher than the sky and food to make their business more successful. Or so I like to think. My favorite color is no longer pink and since I have had children that place such importance on favorite colors and I must have just ONE I have since chosen purple for arguments sake.

But my real problem here is, where in the hell did I go wrong as far as where I am at? I always believed that success was measured by the amount of 'love' you have in your life, not by the amount of benjamins you have in your bank account. As I grew up a little bit more (more so in the last few weeks) I realized success is how you feel too, you may not have a lot of money but you are content with what you have done. I just don't want to be that person that finds out she has cancer in 3 years and tries to rush everything in the last few months or so of her life to feel complete. I want to do everything now. I want to explore everything now. I want to enrich myself and my family by doing so.

I will no longer let Treasure Madness, Tetris Battle, The Bachelor, American Idol, Sorority Life, cooking, cleaning, day dreaming, Judge Judy, Dr. Oz, meaningless chisme (jk neva this one), dominate my life. Their roles will be minimized and controlled. Is what I am saying today and is what I would like to maintain for the remainder of my life until I die.

I want to write, I want to draw, I want to dance in the moonlight sky, I want to do graffiti again, I want to have a six pack, I want to dress sexy for myself and my husband only, I want to truly once in for all stop making excuses for myself and just move forward and progress and not waste away or get lost in motherhood and the bottomless abyss that engulfs mothers and wives. I am woman and I am something aside from these things. I am a fat force to be reckoned with. And you will reckon, I reckon.