Every time I feel like writing something the first thing that comes to mind is writing something tragic or sad or devastating. Hardships in life that help me reflect on those instances and what kind of person they have made me today. How I can take these calamities and mold them into examples of how not to be tomorrow or how not to be with my own children. I guess that's what I try and do with all my past experiences. I write them down so I don't forget and also so I can forgive what has been done and just move forward. I like to sometimes envision myself as a cave of wonders, not a sensual cave in any way more like a scary cave that I too at times am scared to venture in. A cave I'd rather just lock away or cover with boulders or pretend is not really there like a stinky fart.
And I know that if ______ read this blog she would be very disappointed. She would hate my cave and would do her best to make sure that no one step foot in it or even have a view of the entrance. It's a result of her memory being quite different than mine. She remembers things with a certain edge and perspective that I lack. A view that rarely accepts any other insight or correction. A view askew and my cave would force her to face the one person she has been avoiding all these years.... herself.
The choices she has made differ from the choices I have made or will ever make and not just as a _______ but as a human being. You can't question what was done or why it was done because so much has been covered up from certain people that you already know better to just leave it alone. What is encouraged more is a 'don't dwell in the past' type attitude. Which is respectable, until the one person who continues to proclaim this conviction is the one person that seems to own a home in that area. You get so much bullshit from every angle every time you hear it you just want to laugh cry get angry and then laugh and cry again.
I always held in what I really felt in all occasions for the sake of argument and to avoid the tag teaming on my ideas that in essence prove different than what else is being thought. And if you aren't with it you are most definitely against it in every sense of the words. If I didn't agree with how she felt in certain things than it's because I am not in her shoes. If I didn't understand or went against an idea she has said than I am obviously her enemy and a reason why she doesn't have girlfriends because her _______ is worse. Anger, pride, sadness, emotion and narcissim are what drives her and fuels her and shields her in her bubble of principles.
I don't like to hurt peoples feelings intentionally. If I offend with no basis or the basis is over ones head than I feel like an idiot which is rare. I like to help people realize a little about themselves by realizing about myself. I fear ______ will never come to terms with reality and will never accept the choices she has made and how they have made me feel as an adult because in her mind what's done is done. She has dealt with every single choice she has made and she sleeps beautifully at night. Frankly, that's beautiful.
We shall never do the dance that _______ & _______ sometimes do. A frolic to a beautifully difficult tune of revelations, discoveries, confessions, heart ache, realizations, acceptance, and tears.
Without reserve I wonder if ______ even asked for my hand while this song began to play that in my mind frame today I would even accept ?
And I know that if ______ read this blog she would be very disappointed. She would hate my cave and would do her best to make sure that no one step foot in it or even have a view of the entrance. It's a result of her memory being quite different than mine. She remembers things with a certain edge and perspective that I lack. A view that rarely accepts any other insight or correction. A view askew and my cave would force her to face the one person she has been avoiding all these years.... herself.
The choices she has made differ from the choices I have made or will ever make and not just as a _______ but as a human being. You can't question what was done or why it was done because so much has been covered up from certain people that you already know better to just leave it alone. What is encouraged more is a 'don't dwell in the past' type attitude. Which is respectable, until the one person who continues to proclaim this conviction is the one person that seems to own a home in that area. You get so much bullshit from every angle every time you hear it you just want to laugh cry get angry and then laugh and cry again.
I always held in what I really felt in all occasions for the sake of argument and to avoid the tag teaming on my ideas that in essence prove different than what else is being thought. And if you aren't with it you are most definitely against it in every sense of the words. If I didn't agree with how she felt in certain things than it's because I am not in her shoes. If I didn't understand or went against an idea she has said than I am obviously her enemy and a reason why she doesn't have girlfriends because her _______ is worse. Anger, pride, sadness, emotion and narcissim are what drives her and fuels her and shields her in her bubble of principles.
I don't like to hurt peoples feelings intentionally. If I offend with no basis or the basis is over ones head than I feel like an idiot which is rare. I like to help people realize a little about themselves by realizing about myself. I fear ______ will never come to terms with reality and will never accept the choices she has made and how they have made me feel as an adult because in her mind what's done is done. She has dealt with every single choice she has made and she sleeps beautifully at night. Frankly, that's beautiful.
We shall never do the dance that _______ & _______ sometimes do. A frolic to a beautifully difficult tune of revelations, discoveries, confessions, heart ache, realizations, acceptance, and tears.
Without reserve I wonder if ______ even asked for my hand while this song began to play that in my mind frame today I would even accept ?
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